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More Memoirs of the Lice Lady

The Lice Lady is born.

Last time I promised to share with you all how I got the name “The Lice Lady.” Needless to say, it has to do with being trapped in a bathroom, the aftermath of a Bar Mitzvah, and a wedding behind Attica Prison.

You see, after we managed to survive our own wonderful encounter with this lovely bug, I tried to think how I could help people through this ordeal.  Lice was running rampant through our school as well as our community.  During my searches online, I found a website known as the “Head Lice Hotline.”  I had actually called someone on the hotline when we were going through our ordeal. Though she tried to be nice, I felt like I was bothering her.   When I asked her about a certain product that I had seen online, she told me to go buy it.  She was most unhelpful. 

It took a little doing, but I soon found myself a part of the Head Lice Hotline.  The calls poured in.  Can I just say that people have the most interesting approaches to curing themselves of lice?  My favourite call came when I was driving back from a wedding that took place on the grounds behind Attica Prison (yes I do go to the most interesting places).  My sister-in-law was asking me how my work on the hotline was going when my phone rang.  When I answered, my phone, the voice asked, “Does beer kill lice?”  I replied, “No, but it will get them drunk.” 

It took a little doing, but I managed to convince the company that I bought my head lice cure from to start sending it to people like me to distribute locally. In the fall of 2008, I got a phone call from a woman whose sister stated that I knew everything there was about lice.  Seems her daughter and her neighbor’s daughter had a huge case of lice going after attending a Bar Mitzvah two weeks beforehand.  I met them in a parking lot with “The Stuff’ as we call it.  This was the first of my many “drug deals in a parking lot.”

When I met them, the girls were doing their best Bridget Bardots. You know, “I just want to be alone?”  I made arrangements to see them later in their home to recheck the heads and make sure all was well. I went back later that night at 7:00 p. m. and walked into one of the girl’s bathrooms.  I walked out at 1:00 a.m. the next morning after checking not just 2 heads, but 22 heads.  Thus, the Lice Lady was born.

Next time: How I managed not to get star struck and how sometimes it does take a Village.

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Kevin McLogan June 22, 2012 at 03:10 AM
Good Lord. Where do you start with a mess like this? How about you use a browser with spell check? And then go out and rent the movie "Grand Hotel". (Hint: Brigitte Bardot is not in it.)

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